REFLECTION // Living an Uncertain Life

As we are still trying to get settled after the move South and look for a new routine, I realize that in order to have the life that I wish to lead I must choose to live a life of uncertainty.  It is taking an alternative path versus the conventional route of a person who chooses the security of "the known" and who makes decisions based solely on logic.  I am a very logical person and don't do well with "unknowns." This will be challenging for me to do.  

Back when I was in college I took a personality test called "The Keirsey Temperament Sorter."  The test told me I was an ISFJ.  According to the book, Please Understand Me: Character & Temperament Types by David Keirsey and Marilyn Bates, six out of every one hundred people are ISFJ's.  An ISFJ's primary desire is to service and to minister needs.  They carry a sense of history and continuity with past events and relationships. The analysis goes on to say that ISFJ's are super-dependable and seldom are happy working in situations where rules are constantly changing... See, there it said it.  I don't do well with change!!!!  Since it's been quite a while since I took the test I thought it might be interesting to take the test again.  Is it possible that my personality could have evolved or dare I use the word "change"?  With the advancement of the Internet, they now offer the test online on their website: Personality Test - Keirsey Temperament.  So, I took the test and I have changed. Ever so slightly but I have changed.  I am now an ISTJ (Inspector).

Although I dislike change, I am committed to being "happy" even with so much uncertainty.  I don't really like what I've been dealt but I do have a choice in how I deal with it.  If you asked me a couple months ago if I could change anything in my life what would it be I probably would have said that I'd like more time to myself.  At this stage in my children's lives I rarely have a moment to go pee by myself. But now, living in an unfamiliar area, without the daily support of our friends and family I would be happy if I could find an activity where the kids could be happy and maybe meet a friend or two.  In time I will learn to embrace change, find light when faced with uncertainty and become the artist of my own life.  I will try to move in step with intuitive guidance finding and making a new path rather than going down the one I've been down many times before. It will certainly be an adventure. 

xo- neisha

TRANSITION

My family is in a huge transition right now.  The space we currently occupy is temporary (like 5 months or less temporary) so while we are "here" most of our stuff is still in storage.  I realize that we've only been in Orange County for about three weeks and that getting settled, finding our way and making new friends does take time but right now the kids and I are feeling quite lonely. We desperately miss our old home, friends and family, stores, library, parks... we miss all of it!  We've gone through so much change lately and I don't know how much more we can handle.  I look forward to feeling like we are home and happy again. Fake it till you make it I guess :-)

Before the big move I did a little research on the area and found a place very close to the apartment that the kids love.  It's called Pretend City Children's Museum. The place is absolutely amazing! It's a mini kid friendly city that's got everything from a grocery store, library, cafe, doctors and dentist office to a beach, theater/stage, farm, art studio.... It's got lots to discover and the kids LOVE it!

We've been visiting Pretend City quite a bit and during our last trip I noticed another mom. She looked so familiar and for a brief moment I thought - do I know her? maybe I'm not so alone in this city after all...  and then it dawned on me.... I do know her but not on a personal level - she was Heather Debrow from the Real Housewives of Orange County!  If only that moment of feeling not so alone could have lasted longer. :-)

We've been venturing out of the apartment a lot lately.  The kids has a trial gymnastics class in Mission Viejo and unfortunately neither of them liked it.  bummer... I then found another one in Rancho Santa Margarita that seems a bit more like what we are used to.  It's not close to the apartment but it is in an area we think we might eventually buy a house in so well see.  Maybe it will work out.  I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

We've also made a trip to the local library for story time.  And uh... not going there again....   even my daughter, who loves the library and reading, wanted to leave halfway through.  I'm finding out that Roseville, California has a lot more to offer young families.  Who knew??  I certainly didn't realize how amazing it was until it was no longer accessible to us.

We have gone to the Great Park which I do have to say is a pretty fun place.  It's got a huge balloon that you can ride in, a carousel and play area all of which is free.  The kids enjoyed it but I don't see us spending too much time there.  It's more of a visit every once in a while kind of place.

We also discovered that Luci LOVES acting!!! I found an ad in the local family magazine for a place called Performers Academy.  She did a trial class and afterwards said she wanted to go everyday!!!  It's a little inconvenient, no a lot inconvenient for Dominic and I as it's in the evening and there isn't much for us to do while we wait and it's 3 evenings a week and 2 hours on Saturdays but she is so happy.  I've never ever seen her face light up the way it does when she's in her classes.  I'm just so glad she has found something to take her mind off of the move and missing her old routine.

So, hopefully in time the transition will be easier.  One day at a time right...???

THOUGHT // Good & Bad

why is it that when things are good it seems to happen quickly, you don't seem to get enough and when things are bad it feels like it goes on forever. slow motion, stuck on pause or even rewind???

1000 sq ft

After stressing about where to live/rent we've decided to temporarily move into an apartment and then look to buy a place.  Buy a place??? What??? Yes, I know it seems crazy.  Why would we do that if I don't even want to move down to OC.  Well, there are a few reasons to buy.

1. It's a great time to buy. House prices are still pretty low and if we find the right place it could be a good investment for us. 
2. Interest rates are still really low so a mortgage payment is close to what a rental payment would be.
3. It can be a project for me/us to work on. With no friends I think I could use the distraction.  

More to come on the 1000 sq feet and how we will fit our life into a small space.  I'm thinking it might be nice to not have so much to clean.

THOUGHT // Crazy?

Lately I've been thinking -  am I normal or crazy?   I'm pretty sure that if I asked my husband he would respond that I'm crazy.  I feel bipolar some days. I'll be perfectly happy one moment and then the next I'll feel sad and hopeless. Is it normal for me to be feeling this way? How long is it going to last? I just want to feel happy again.

If I were to ask myself that question I too would respond that I'm crazy. There's just been so much change. Too many unknowns. I certainly don't  feel normal. I feel sad, angry, depressed, scared, tired ...

I know that in the end it will all be okay, it will get better, it will get easier. At least I keep telling myself that.

I know my life, as uncertain as things seem, is better than many. Things could be much worse. Things have been worse.

Maybe I need to start a gratitude journal...

I'll start small and hopefully I can dig myself out of the black hole I feel like I'm currently in.

Today I am thankful  that my family is healthy.

HOME // Toys, toys, and more toys

My children certainly do not lack toys.  Just about every room in the house has toys in it.  Now my husband and I have different views on toys and how many a child really needs.  He thinks they would be fine with a set of crayons and a cardboard box.  I think he feels that way because he's not the one who stays home with them all day every day!!  I will admit that they do probably have more toys than are necessary but they actually do play with all of them.  A cardboard box and some crayons are great and we do enjoy our art projects and thinking creatively but that lasts about 15 minutes or so.  Our kids are busy and seem to need lots of options.

With that said... my playroom is a mess and needs better organization!  We moved into this house a few months ago and I haven't quite got around to making the space functional for the kids and easy to clean for me.  If money were no object I've got lots of ideas to transform the space into a dream playroom but I have a very limited budget and since we are renting permanent fixtures and painting is not an option.  Some things I would love to do are:

Hang drapes to add color and soften the windows a bit
Get a play table for the center of the room (that's what the blue rectangle on the floor is going to be)
Dress up organization
new bins for some of the toys (preferably with latches)
Place to hang the kids artwork
Chalkboard/Magnetic board
Make the space more inviting/fun with artwork

Here it is in it's current state... 

I am embarrassed at the mess.  Do you see why this room is in desperate need of some organization? Do you have lots of toys that are taking over your home? How do you keep them contained? I've thought about rotating toys. Putting some in a big bin and changing them out every so often to keep things more manageable and exciting for the kids but that seems like a lot of work. 

SAY WHAT YOU MEAN

I was watching one of my guilty pleasures, Real Housewives or New York,  the other night and a new cast member, Aviva Drescher, said something I find myself saying quite often -

Mean what you say, say what you mean, but don't say it mean!

It was the first time I had heard the "don't say it mean" part but I really like it.  Whether we are talking to our friends, co-workers/boss, our family, even our children; I think it is is important that we all weigh our words carefully before we speak.  Once it's out there we can't take it back.

Many of the conflicts and disagreements I have with my husband is from communication misunderstandings.  My husband will frequently say something to just say something often times not realizing what he is REALLY saying.  And I find that when I am not clear and concise with my children we all end up frustrated.  Here is a useful download from Circle of Parents that offers five tips on how to say what you mean and mean what you say when speaking to your children.   The five tips are: Say Please, Be Specific, Think, Eye to Eye and Pick Your Battles.

The idea of mean what you say, say what you mean, but don't say it mean sounds so simple, doesn't it? But in the fast paced world we live in it is easy to get hurried and quickly blurt something out that doesn't seem like a big deal to us but ends up sounding mean on the receiving end.  Our words are powerful and the words we choose and how we say them can make the difference in if our ideas are accepted or rejected by our audience.   I found a great article on the Experience Life website about the Power of Language.  It is quite eye opening and also offers many other great articles on the topic of language.

Do you find yourself blurting things out or saying something during an awkward situation that you later wish you could take back.  I often find myself getting easily frustrated with my children and don't always use the correct words and tone.  I am going to try and be more conscious in the what I say and how I say them and hopefully my children will follow suit.

xoxo
neisha