HOME // Toys, toys, and more toys

My children certainly do not lack toys.  Just about every room in the house has toys in it.  Now my husband and I have different views on toys and how many a child really needs.  He thinks they would be fine with a set of crayons and a cardboard box.  I think he feels that way because he's not the one who stays home with them all day every day!!  I will admit that they do probably have more toys than are necessary but they actually do play with all of them.  A cardboard box and some crayons are great and we do enjoy our art projects and thinking creatively but that lasts about 15 minutes or so.  Our kids are busy and seem to need lots of options.

With that said... my playroom is a mess and needs better organization!  We moved into this house a few months ago and I haven't quite got around to making the space functional for the kids and easy to clean for me.  If money were no object I've got lots of ideas to transform the space into a dream playroom but I have a very limited budget and since we are renting permanent fixtures and painting is not an option.  Some things I would love to do are:

Hang drapes to add color and soften the windows a bit
Get a play table for the center of the room (that's what the blue rectangle on the floor is going to be)
Dress up organization
new bins for some of the toys (preferably with latches)
Place to hang the kids artwork
Chalkboard/Magnetic board
Make the space more inviting/fun with artwork

Here it is in it's current state... 

I am embarrassed at the mess.  Do you see why this room is in desperate need of some organization? Do you have lots of toys that are taking over your home? How do you keep them contained? I've thought about rotating toys. Putting some in a big bin and changing them out every so often to keep things more manageable and exciting for the kids but that seems like a lot of work. 

SAY WHAT YOU MEAN

I was watching one of my guilty pleasures, Real Housewives or New York,  the other night and a new cast member, Aviva Drescher, said something I find myself saying quite often -

Mean what you say, say what you mean, but don't say it mean!

It was the first time I had heard the "don't say it mean" part but I really like it.  Whether we are talking to our friends, co-workers/boss, our family, even our children; I think it is is important that we all weigh our words carefully before we speak.  Once it's out there we can't take it back.

Many of the conflicts and disagreements I have with my husband is from communication misunderstandings.  My husband will frequently say something to just say something often times not realizing what he is REALLY saying.  And I find that when I am not clear and concise with my children we all end up frustrated.  Here is a useful download from Circle of Parents that offers five tips on how to say what you mean and mean what you say when speaking to your children.   The five tips are: Say Please, Be Specific, Think, Eye to Eye and Pick Your Battles.

The idea of mean what you say, say what you mean, but don't say it mean sounds so simple, doesn't it? But in the fast paced world we live in it is easy to get hurried and quickly blurt something out that doesn't seem like a big deal to us but ends up sounding mean on the receiving end.  Our words are powerful and the words we choose and how we say them can make the difference in if our ideas are accepted or rejected by our audience.   I found a great article on the Experience Life website about the Power of Language.  It is quite eye opening and also offers many other great articles on the topic of language.

Do you find yourself blurting things out or saying something during an awkward situation that you later wish you could take back.  I often find myself getting easily frustrated with my children and don't always use the correct words and tone.  I am going to try and be more conscious in the what I say and how I say them and hopefully my children will follow suit.

xoxo
neisha

it's okay to make mistakes...

Lately I've noticed that my daughter won't try something new unless she knows the outcome will be in her favor, she likes positive results and needs to have control of the situation. She is afraid of failure and will say it's too hard before she even gives it a try.  I've been encouraging her to get out there and try  new things, even if it seems too hard. The best things in life often require lots of hard work and many, many failures.  A couple of good examples that come to mind is Thomas Edison (it is said that it took him thousands of attempts at inventing the light bulb before he got it right) and Walt Disney (did you know he was fired by a newspaper editor because he "lacked imagination and had no good ideas." He also started several business that didn't last very long and ended in bankruptcy. He didn't stop trying and eventually found huge success!

J.K. Rowling, the author of Harry Potter, spoke to the graduating class of Harvard in June 2008.  Her commencement speech wasn't about success it was about failures.  She shared some of her failures in life and the following quote stuck with me:

“You might never fail on the scale I did, but some failure in life is inevitable. It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all – in which case, you fail by default."  - J.K. Rowling

While my four and a half year old daughter is too young to read J.K. Rowling's speech and understand what it means, we can watch the Disney movie Meet the Robinsons together.  Loosely based on the book, A Day With Wilbur Robinson by William Joyce, the movie is about an orphaned boy named Lewis who aspires to be an inventor. Unfortunately his inventions tend to scare off potential parents.  While longing for a family of his own, Lewis has grown saddened over the years as all his attempts to be adopted seem to have failed.  The ending is great and the movie immediately became one of my favorite Disney films.  It has a great motto throughout the film - Keep moving forward!!

"From failure we learn, from success not so much" says Lewis in Meet the Robinsons

At the end of the movie they leave you with a quote from Walt Disney:

 "Around here, however, we don't look backwards for very long. We keep moving forward, opening up new doors and doing new things... and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths." - Walt Disney

With that said, you have only failed if you learned nothing from the attempt.  I will continue to encourage my children to take chances and remind them that it is okay to make mistakes.  The only way to get better at something is through trial and error - analyze the original outcome, make a change and then try again.  It's a process... life is a process... and if you really want to live we must make mistakes and encounter failure.

SURVIVING MOTHERHOOD?

Some call this the most horribly wonderful job on earth, others say they are trying to survive motherhood... I don't want to survive motherhood - I want to LIVE it!!! Once my kids are grown I don't want to look back and think, I wish I would have done this or I should have done that....  I want to embrace life as a stay at home mom to two kids and all its mayhem.  And I certainly don't want my children to look back on their childhood and think that their mom was always tired, stressed out, upset and angry.

When things are going good - both kids are behaving - i.e. no one is pulling hair or hitting the other, it's easy to want to use that time to get the piles of laundry done or  browse the latest social media websites (i.e. Facebook and Pinterest); however, when things are good I've realized that it's important to focus on the good - take it all in  and get "engaged" with my children so that I don't miss out on how quickly they change.  I'm not sure who said this first or where I even read it but it's so true-

The days are long, but the years are short.

I love what it stands for - how each day is important. Before we know it another month, year, five years have gone by -  the days vanish and we can't get them back.   

Some days provide more challenges than others and it's often during those challenging times that I begin to question why I chose to be a full time stay at home mom in the first place.  I mean washing, folding, vacuuming, scrubbing, changing poopy diapers, wiping oohy gooey sticky stuff off every surface in the house, making to-do lists, grocery shopping and disciplining my children is not very fulfilling for me. During the more challenging times I try to ask myself, "what would be a successful outcome in this situation?" which is then followed by the questions, "what actions can I take to get this outcome? and what action should I do first?"  I think it's also important to acknowledge and accept that motherhood and being a SAHM is not easy.  It is going to be hard and you won't always like it.

So... when the kids are acting up and all I want to do is get some housework done or work on the craft project I've been dying to do, I try to remind myself - this too shall pass.  Everything does, the good and the bad - so I try to not focus on all the things that are not going the way I want them to.  It likely won't last too long and while it is I take a deep breath and then pray that my hubby comes home soon so I can pour myself a nice glass of wine.

xoxo
neisha

THOUGHT// Having it all

It is possible to have it all?

I grew up thinking that having it all meant being a successful working woman, married with children living happily. We would live free of any financial worry and disappointment and we would have enough time to achieve "it all" all the time. Seems reasonable doesn't it?!?

I was raised in a home where my mom stayed home with us and my father would provide for the family financially. Unfortunately my father battled alcoholism and had a difficult time working. There were many times where my parents didn't have enough money for the very basics like food, electricity and shelter. We did not have it all... I would tell myself that when I grow up my life will be different - I would make different choices.  

Then in school I learned that women did not always have choices or the chance to do it all. And that there were many women before me that worked hard for us women to have rights and "have it all" and I was going to do just that.

I firmly believed that I would go to college, find a great job that I loved and work my way up the corporate ladder. I would later get married, have kids, take my maternity leave and then hire a nanny or drop my kids off at daycare every day. And I would be happy with this.

Then I had my daughter.  And everything changed.  I found that I didn't want to leave my baby with anyone else.  And so, after the birth of my daughter, I worked part time from home.  I did not have a nanny or sitter  come in and watch my child - instead I worked around my daughters schedule.  This worked great when she was young and took several naps a day.  I found that balancing work and mommy life was fairly easy. However as she got older it became more difficult and I became more and more frustrated. I felt like I was drowning in my work and irritated with my daughter if she didn't nap when I needed to make a phone call. I then became frustrated at myself and wondered what was wrong with me. Why couldn't I do it all?  I began asking myself, "can I have it all and still be happy?" 

I realized that I needed to make a choice.  I needed to either be full time mommy or work and let someone else take care of my kids so that I could do my job and do it well.  It wasn't until after the birth of my son that I quit working all together.  It really sank in that I could not be the parent I wanted to be if I was working. It was really difficult for me to not only give up all that I worked so hard for but to also let go of "having it all". I felt like I was letting down all those women before me who worked so hard for me to have it all. And that if these women thought that it was important for me to have a professional job and be a mother then I should want that too.  And so I gave up.  I wouldn't "have it all".

And then it finally dawned on the mommy brain I have that I needed to ask myself what "having it all" really means.  I discovered that the image of "having it all" in my head was not only unattainable but it was darn right crazy thinking.  I realized that I could still have it all.  I would just need to redefine what "having it all" means to me.  Today it means being satisfied with the life I now have. It's having the choice to do what is best for me and my family and that it can change as we go through the different phases of our life. I have a hard working and loving husband, two healthy children, a nice home, food in the pantry, gas in the car and the ability to do lots of things. 

I am thankful for the feminist women before me. And I have not let them down by deciding to be a housewife and stay at home mother.  They have allowed me to have a choice in what I want to do with my life. And what I choose to do today might not be what I choose to do two years from now and that's okay because right  I "have it all".

xo - neisha

Just STOP!! Please...

The kids have been really going at it lately.  and by going at it i mean rolling around on the ground, pulling hair (a lot of hair), hitting and pinching.  It is ugly and happens several times a day.  It's just ugly and I'm hoping that it ends soon.  Maybe just maybe as the little guy gets older he will be able to communicate better and things won't be so darn right ugly.  I know that most of the fighting comes from Dominic wanting to "help" his big sister or be included in what she is doing.  It usually starts like this: Dominic comes over to Luci and brings her her mimi (blanket/lovie) or favorite toy which she doesn't want at the moment.  She shoves it away and ignores him. Dominic being the determined little guy that he is then tries again and Luci gets annoyed and yells in his face, "STOP DOMINIC!" in this ugly, ugly voice.  He then gets frustrated and pulls her hair rips her hair from her head or hits her on the head

This too shall pass... and then it will  be something else...

Moon River

I LOVE the movie Breakfast at Tiffany's and Moon River is one of my favorite songs.  I sing it and hum it to my son as I rock him to sleep.  I know it's not the typical lullaby for putting a baby to sleep but it works for me.

Moon River written by Johnny Mercer 

Moon River, wider than a mile

I'm crossing you in style some day

You dream maker

You heartbreaker

Wherever you're going

I'm going your way

Two drifters off to see the world

There's such a lot of world to see

We're after the same rainbow's end

Waitin' round the bend

My Huckleberry friend

Moon River and me

Do you have a favorite song you sing to your child?